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Monday, 16 April 2012

Post#1

This is my very first blog post. I created a blog a while ago, but somehow never followed it up. I have an exam tomorrow, but I'm bored, and a little over-confident, and I suddenly remembered this blog. I thought I'd go out for a walk, but none of my friends are around; so I thought: why not have a go?
I don't know how many people are this way, or would admit to being this way, but I am often a very confused soul. Until upto about 13 years of age, I was rock-sure about everything:opinions, convictions, beliefs, myself. Then, half a year or so into my teens, my world seemed to turn upside down. People speak of teenage as an exciting, fun age: to me it seemed like one, huge, confusing mess. I seemed suddenly thrust into a semi-adult world, where I realized how little I really knew. Nothing was black and white anymore; the world seemed painted in shades of grey. I was questioning things I'd never doubted before: the goodness of the world, my identity, my faith. As I began to try to gain more knowledge of the 'real world', I only grew more confused. The plethora of information and opinions 'out there' for all to see gave me headaches.
Some years have passed, and I've grown a little, I hope. But the conclusions I've drawn have been tentative, hesitant; so very unlike the firm, nearly bigoted conclusions I had before. I've come to terms with the fact that there are things I might never be sure about. And I've to come to realize that it's alright, completely acceptable, even, to not be able to pass a solid judgment on everything. But consciously or unconsciously, I still search for answers, for closure. I suppose that it's human nature to want to either be on top of everything, or to appear so.
Some days I'm absolutely sure I'll be lost forever, that I'll end up accomplishing nothing, really. On others, I dare to hope and dream that I'll make a difference to the world; even if it's only a drop in the ocean.